I was recently contacted by solo musician Tim Ten Yen, who asked me to look over a new bio he’d written for himself. I actually thought what he’d put together was great - very funny and perfectly communicating what he does. So, I left the core structure and tone of the piece in place but edited the original version for flow and clarity. Here is my edit of the bio…

Tim (the biblical boys name)
Ten (the number after nine)
Yen (the Japanese currency)

A one-man poptastic broken beta male rollercoaster car stuck upside down on the corkscrew section, hanging on for dear life and waiting for the Female Fire Brigade to arrive to rescue him.

Tim Ten Yen is the ultimate, nay the only fully-operational conduit of quality, super-sonic fast-food music, served with a nervous smile!

Girls, women, ladies, bears, foxes, cats, dogs - he has an INCREDIBLE SONG about them all. None slow - all songs run in the mid-tempo-to-pretty-quick range, because Tim knows that if the tapping of one foot in the room slows, then Keanu Reeves and Sandra Bullock are goners. And that would be so sad.

He's been all around the world solo with his live show - Iceland, Germany, Denmark… Wales - and he couldn't find Lisa Stansfield's baby either. And just like Lisa, underneath the euphoria there is a depth that only a soul who has stared into the abyss can fathom.

Tim stared into said abyss, though rather than seeing blackness, light shone back forming 10 words in capitals as bright as flashing red 'Danger - do not press' buttons:

GET UP SEXY POPSTAR, IT'S TIME TO GO TO WORK.